Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Miami Heat are the Biggest Scumbags in Sports

You all remember the Miami Heat, right? NBA team that added superstar Chris Bosh and superduperstar LeBron James to Dwayne Wade, creating a superteam and creating a mockery of any ideas of competitive balance? Sure you do. Well, as you can imagine, they've become a hot ticket in Miami, no pun intended. So hot, in fact, that they've sold out every ticket for every game this season. So how do you reward that hard-working sales staff? Bonus, right? Well, if you're the Miami Heat, you fire the entire sales roster. Of all the low, scummy things to do. You spend some $300 million on three men, then fire a staff of thirty who, according to spokesperson Lorrie-Ann Diaz, were working so hard "[w]e couldn't get them to go home!" Well, you found a way, Lorrie-Ann!

As if you needed another reason to dislike the Heat. First, they play in Miami, one of the worst cities in the world. And then there's the stupid nickname. Then comes the most dislikable power trio this side of classic rock radio, and now this. If I owned one of the other franchises in town, like say the Marlins, I'd hire all these guys, saying something like "let's see them bring that energy to the Marlins boxoffice!" And sure, they wouldn't be bringing James, but it's a publicity stunt! Not to mention the right thing to do.

God, what happens if the Lakers and the Heat meet in the finals last year. What do you root for? Nuclear winter?

1 comment:

  1. Meh - I've heard this meme a couple times now. I imagine they probably function as newspaper sales reps do, where they get a commission from each season ticket sold. The Sun-Sentinel reports that, citing an anonymous source who says the employees were paid a base salary and got a "sizable" commission for the huge sales rush.