The Most Amazing Picture in the History of Mankind.

So... that's John Cale as Batman and Lou Reed as Robin.  Let me repeat: THAT'S JOHN FUCKING CALE AND LOU FUCKING REED AS BATMAN AND ROBIN AT A CHILDREN'S PARTY. HOLY FUCKING FUCK.

Mind=blown.

Edit: Aaaaannnnddddd.... apparently, that was a hoax.  Not sure if I should be happy or sad about this. Mind=unblown.

Banes of My Existence: Sheryl Crow

So we're in a hotel right now, upstate for my sister-in-law's wedding, and yesterday I caught a little bit of Good Morning America. Just in time to see Sheryl Crow perform her crappy new song. Lucky me! Her performance was, even by the standards of the Good Morning America Summer Concert Series, lame. See for yourself:



EDIT: Okay, that's just the interview. Can't seem to find the performance. Perhaps that's just as well.

I have a long history with accidentally stumbling across Sheryl Crow performances. I remember several years ago watching a Pittsburg Steelers game (either a playoff game or the opening of Heinz Field, can't remember which) and she was the halftime entertainment. At the time, I don't think she'd done anything significant in years (not even Lance Armstrong... badumbump), so I was surprised to see her. She was debuting a new song, which I thought was poor even by her standards... which was, of course "Soak Up the Sun", which ended up being arguably her biggest hit. My opinion often has that effect.

I suppose she's not terrible; she's just so... lame. It's like a word association game. The name "Sheryl Crow" just screams mediocrity passing for something bigger. Like, she's hot, but she's no Shania Twain. And her music's awful, but she's no Shania Twain. This performance yesterday really sums up the Sheryl Crow experience well. The song's entirely unmemorable, her performance bland, the crowd only remotely interested. I imagine a Sheryl Crow concert to be dull beyond belief; even Celine Dion can connect with a crowd.

To balance this out, here's a couple videos from the woman Sheryl Crow desperately wishes she was (though she's probably sold ten times as many records) Neko Case.

This One's for Dave

So I received a complaint the other day about not updating my blog, which is ridiculous since, as any fool can plainly see, I've updated twice since March, and three times since February. What more do you people want? I need to sleep sometime!

So there.

Now that that's out of the way, here's what's probably going to end up being my favorite song for the year, Sleep Forever by Crocodiles. No, it doesn't look to be "the Crocodiles" and I don't really know why. But this song is pretty great. Longtime followers of mine will say "well, of course you like it, it sounds like the Jesus + Mary Chain". And that's true. But the world would be a better place if more things sounded like the Jesus + Mary Chain, I say. Certainly these assholes could do with a little JAMC in their lives.

Anyway, these guys look to be from San Diego, and their second album is out in September (ooooh, just in time for my birthday! How thoughtful!). I *ahem* acquired their first album, Summer of Hate, which is pretty good, though much rawer then Sleep Forever. Apparently, the first one was just two guys and a drum machine (that's very Jesus + Mary Chain, by the way), and now there' a proper band. How nice for them.

Hopefully, this link will allow you to download Sleep Forever.

There's Too Much to Talk About

There's like four things that I want to write about, but none with any kind of depth, so I'm just going to throw them all together.

1. Hey, the Grammys happened. Everyone wave your little flags for the Grammys. This just reminds me how blissfully ignorant I am about contemporary music these days. I didn't even know that Beyonce had a new album out. Unless they were celebrating I am...Sasha Fierce! I don't know if she writes it with the exclamation point at the end, but it looks like it belongs there, doesn't it? I just love it when pop stars publicly admit to having secret fantasy identities with preposterous names. What is she, eight?

Anyway, I'm sure that everyone that won a Grammy sucks. They always do.

2. Speaking of awards shows, the Oscar noms came out today. Just in time for DVD cover printing season! I don't like this whole "nominating ten movies for best picture" thing. It waters down the whole thing. It's like adding an extra round to the playoffs. Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire is the cinimatic equivilent of the 8-8 team that backs into the playoffs.

To me, the wild card is Inglorious Bastards. Perhaps I'll post more about it later, but I think it's the most frustrating movie to come out in ages. Parts are brilliant. As gripping as anything I've seen on screen. And parts are just no damn good; basically, all the parts that actually feature the Bastards. If you were to sit down with this movie and edit out every scene Brad Pitt's in, it would be a masterpiece, or at least closer to a masterpiece.

But it should probably win, because it was a weak year for movies and there's really nothing remotely close. Keeping the playoffs analogy from above going, Inglorious Bastards is the cinimatic equivalent of the seeming juggernaut that shows lots of flaws, but no one else is good enough to take advantage, so they win the title.

Couple more quick predictions: George Clooney should win Best Actor. Tarentino should not win Best Director, no matter what IB does in the Best Picture category, but Christoph Waltz simply must win. And if Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress for The Blind Side, the Kodak Theater should collapse upon itself into a sigularity.

3. Lost. Is. Back. Tonight. I'll get to that. If you really can't wait, you can read what my buddy James wrote. Though I'll warn you: it's long. I haven't even read the damn thing yet.

But first, I want to talk about 24. It seems that my worst fears have come true, and that the Curse of the Even Seasons is in full effect. This season has just been lame beyond words. The main plot feels like it still hasn't gotten started. The big bad guy, Arab Jason Schwartzman, has spent the last two hours offscreen in some kind of Russo-Islamic orgy. Every thing going on in the big peace negotiations with President Bulldog Face and Arab Joe Pesci is tremendously boring. Now, Arab Joe Pesci is acting all crazy because Arab Jason Schwartzman betrayed him, so the British and Germans might pull out! What a crazy twist!

And then there's the Starbuck Subplot. Oh, the Starbuck Subplot. It's so bad, I don't even know where to begin. Look, I just don't care that Dana Thrace's real name is actually Jenny Craig. I've no connection to her, and just because she's played by an actress that was on a show in which I did care about her, doesn't mean I care about her here. It's not a transitive property.

And this whole plotline is so distracting from the main story. It basically says "hey, even the CTU agents aren't really focused on what's going on with the Russians, so why should you be?" It might have worked, if the show were starting cold, with just some intel to work, but there's already been a terrorist attack. Shouldn't people seem a little, I dunno, motivated? Anyone?

I do like burnt-out Renee Walker, though. She's, like, a billion times hotter and more interesting then normal Renee Walker. And, see, her storyline is working because we care about her. Why is it so !@#$ hard for the 24 braintrust to figure this out?

So. Lost. Is back. I said that already. But it bears repeating. Lost. Tonight. And there are enough spoilers out there so that we have some idea of what's going on, and the Lindleoff and Cuse have said that by the end of tonight we'll finally have enough information to make accurate theories. All that is good.

I don't have too much to say right now; I'm sure I will tomorrow. But I just want to put this in print right now: The Island is not actually an island. It's a sophisticated time machine designed to look like an island. That's why it can be "moved", and that's why it has a mechanism built into its' center. And Jacob and his enemy aren't gods, they're time travelers. For some reason, they can't hurt each other directly; that's why Jacob's enemy had to find a loophole.

At least, that's my two cents. We'll see, right?

Top Five Side One Track Ones

This topic is, of course, the one Jack Black gives John Cusick in "High Fidelity", and I thought it would be a good one to kick off what I hope to be a regular feature here at the ol' blog without a clever name. Keep in mind that these are not merely my opinion, but actual fact; you are welcome to offer suggestions of modifications, but I have the final say, as God intended.

So: top five track ones. I think that a great opening track is one that immediately makes you say "yes, I will like this". It should really set the tone for the whole album, kind of like taking the opening kickoff in for a touchdown (never mind the fact that I think the second half kickoff is far more important, and were I an NFL head couch I would always defer). And these songs do that; they kicked down the doors of my ears and said "listen to ME!" Doors of my ears... yes, that's the simile I want.

I think it's really pretty awesome when this happens, and in fact, it just happened this morning, when I listened to Metric's "Fantasies". I had downloaded this album ages ago (shhhh) but never burned it until last night, and the first track is so kickass that the baby and I have listened to it five times already. I even thought about putting it on this list, but that seems premature. It gets an honorable mention, though.

Yes, this is a very rock-heavy list, and Indie rock at that. Sue me, it's what I like. I thought about putting on things from other genres, like "Linus and Lucy" or "Bombs over Baghdad", but that would be disingenuous. Like Cusick putting "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on his list.

Couple more honorable mentions go out to U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name", which I might even argue is the greatest opening song ever, but I guess I'm over U2, so it doesn't make the cut, and Belle and Sebastian's "Lazy Line Painter Jane", which is brilliant but the opening track to an EP, not an album. It feels weird to not have any Belle and Sebastian songs here, but most of their albums don't really start out at top speed; it's the later tracks that are most memorable. Anyway, the list:

5. "Bittersweet Symphony", The Verve (Urban Hymns). This doesn't really fit the criteria I mentioned above, because it's more a great song that happens to be Track One. Still, it's a great, great song. It's a shame that this was the Verve's only true hit, and that they are often considered a one-hit wonder, and that they didn't see a dime from it.

4. "Writing to Reach You", Travis (The Man Who). My friend Travis bought their first album because he saw them open for somebody (Oasis?) and they had his name. I listened to their first album and thought it was all right, but this one... whoa. This song is just so pretty, and so sad; it may be the perfect Britpop song, and it's definitely the perfect Travis song.

3. "Twin Cinemas", The New Pornographers (Twin Cinemas). This song just kind of explodes out of the speakers. Travis (again) saw them open for Belle & Sebastian, said I would like them, burned me a copy of this cd, and I knew after about five seconds that he was right.

2. "Caring is Creepy", The Shins (Oh! Inverted World). This album was recommended to me (by... uhhhh... Travis... look, we just have similar tastes in music); we got a used copy in at my old record shop, so I popped it on and said "yeah, that's for me". You'll note this song is on the Garden State soundtrack, but is not the one Natalie Portman oh-so irritatingly says will change your life. That song was "New Slang" which is only the song Hillary and I dance to at our wedding. Damn you, Garden State!

1. "Reverence", The Jesus and Mary Chain (Honey's Dead). This is the song I want played at my funeral. It won't be, but it's the song I want played at my funeral.

Today the Baby and I...

... listened to the Magnetic Fields' "69 Love Songs". She seemed to dig it, as I thought she would, because it's full of really interesting, offbeat sounds. They should really think about going the They Might Be Giants route and recording a children's album. It's just goofy enough to work.

I swear, if this kid grows up with lousy taste in music, it won't be my fault. She's getting quite the exposure to indie rock, britpop, post-punk, and lots of other good stuff. And some classical and jazz thrown in as well. But I do think it's important for kids to find their own likes, and to not just regurgitate the music their parents like. I think it's very sad to meet people my age or younger whose favorite band is the Beetles or some other group that broke up years before they were born. Like that stupid Juno, spouting off about the '70's punk scene, which ended roughly 20 years before she was born (at least Jason Bateman called her out for that).

One of the things that has changed about growing up was rebelling against your parents by finding your own music. And, of course, it's the Baby Boomers' fault. Not that the music from the '60's and '70's wasn't good, but you need to find your own thing. There was a really funny Bloom County strip about this, back when they were doing the Billy and the Boingers stuff: We see a kid talking about why he's a slobbering B&TB fan; he says, first off, they dress totally cool; then, in the background, we see his parents getting ready to go to a Bruce Springsteen concert; he then says "that's the second reason".

So I guess my point is that it's important to support the music of your era, even if it's lame. My generation (Gen X) was lucky that we had grunge, even if that went to hell rather quickly.

We also played a game (tentatively) called "hold Daddy's finger and run around in a circle" for the better part of an hour. You wouldn't think that running around in a circle could amuse someone for so long, but there you go. You also wouldn't think the momentary pausing of said game to regain one's equilibrium would be the cause for much trauma, but you'd be wrong about that as well. I swear, if we could get that kid on a treadmill, she could power the house.