The Million Dollar Cheeto

There are a lot of ways to waste your money. Lord knows I'm something of an expert.  But I've not yet wasted a million dollars.  At least, I've not yet wasted it on just one thing.  And I've not wasted it on one thing that's a piece of snack food.  I wouldn't have thought I'd even have the chance.  But the world's a big place, my friends, and so I give to you:

The Million Dollar Cheeto

I've read this thing a few times, and I honestly can't decide if the seller is being extraordinarily sincere, or extraordinarily sarcastic.  I mean, lines like

I prayed for a way to enable me to do more for others and aid their needs.  In answer to my prayers…I didn't get a million dollars instead I got a Cheeto with a heart! And on the flip-side it smiles!!! No kidding! It’s totally awesome.

could go either way.  This auction's been up for over a year now, and he's got 31 offers, and I'd love to know what they are.  Is he holding out for the million?  If someone came to him and said "look, I've only got $800,000" would he turn it down?  

All I know is, if I was in a financial position to literally waste a million dollars, I would buy that Cheeto.  And I would carry it with me in it's little box and use it as the greatest conversation stater ever.  Perhaps, if a million of us get together and donate a dollar, we can pitch in and buy it and have it once a day for, like, every million days.  That sounds pretty good, doesn't it? 

A Pointless Thought

Do you think Danica McKellar really hates Danica Patrick? I mean, she used to have the name Danica all to herself. She was a one name celebrity, like Madonna. And then along comes this race car chick, who's not even as cute, and all of a sudden she's Danica, and she's a one name celebrity, and it's like Danica McKellar never even existed, and Danica Patrick never even wins any races! That would make me mad.