Tuesday, February 2, 2010

There's Too Much to Talk About

There's like four things that I want to write about, but none with any kind of depth, so I'm just going to throw them all together.

1. Hey, the Grammys happened. Everyone wave your little flags for the Grammys. This just reminds me how blissfully ignorant I am about contemporary music these days. I didn't even know that Beyonce had a new album out. Unless they were celebrating I am...Sasha Fierce! I don't know if she writes it with the exclamation point at the end, but it looks like it belongs there, doesn't it? I just love it when pop stars publicly admit to having secret fantasy identities with preposterous names. What is she, eight?

Anyway, I'm sure that everyone that won a Grammy sucks. They always do.

2. Speaking of awards shows, the Oscar noms came out today. Just in time for DVD cover printing season! I don't like this whole "nominating ten movies for best picture" thing. It waters down the whole thing. It's like adding an extra round to the playoffs. Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire is the cinimatic equivilent of the 8-8 team that backs into the playoffs.

To me, the wild card is Inglorious Bastards. Perhaps I'll post more about it later, but I think it's the most frustrating movie to come out in ages. Parts are brilliant. As gripping as anything I've seen on screen. And parts are just no damn good; basically, all the parts that actually feature the Bastards. If you were to sit down with this movie and edit out every scene Brad Pitt's in, it would be a masterpiece, or at least closer to a masterpiece.

But it should probably win, because it was a weak year for movies and there's really nothing remotely close. Keeping the playoffs analogy from above going, Inglorious Bastards is the cinimatic equivalent of the seeming juggernaut that shows lots of flaws, but no one else is good enough to take advantage, so they win the title.

Couple more quick predictions: George Clooney should win Best Actor. Tarentino should not win Best Director, no matter what IB does in the Best Picture category, but Christoph Waltz simply must win. And if Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress for The Blind Side, the Kodak Theater should collapse upon itself into a sigularity.

3. Lost. Is. Back. Tonight. I'll get to that. If you really can't wait, you can read what my buddy James wrote. Though I'll warn you: it's long. I haven't even read the damn thing yet.

But first, I want to talk about 24. It seems that my worst fears have come true, and that the Curse of the Even Seasons is in full effect. This season has just been lame beyond words. The main plot feels like it still hasn't gotten started. The big bad guy, Arab Jason Schwartzman, has spent the last two hours offscreen in some kind of Russo-Islamic orgy. Every thing going on in the big peace negotiations with President Bulldog Face and Arab Joe Pesci is tremendously boring. Now, Arab Joe Pesci is acting all crazy because Arab Jason Schwartzman betrayed him, so the British and Germans might pull out! What a crazy twist!

And then there's the Starbuck Subplot. Oh, the Starbuck Subplot. It's so bad, I don't even know where to begin. Look, I just don't care that Dana Thrace's real name is actually Jenny Craig. I've no connection to her, and just because she's played by an actress that was on a show in which I did care about her, doesn't mean I care about her here. It's not a transitive property.

And this whole plotline is so distracting from the main story. It basically says "hey, even the CTU agents aren't really focused on what's going on with the Russians, so why should you be?" It might have worked, if the show were starting cold, with just some intel to work, but there's already been a terrorist attack. Shouldn't people seem a little, I dunno, motivated? Anyone?

I do like burnt-out Renee Walker, though. She's, like, a billion times hotter and more interesting then normal Renee Walker. And, see, her storyline is working because we care about her. Why is it so !@#$ hard for the 24 braintrust to figure this out?

So. Lost. Is back. I said that already. But it bears repeating. Lost. Tonight. And there are enough spoilers out there so that we have some idea of what's going on, and the Lindleoff and Cuse have said that by the end of tonight we'll finally have enough information to make accurate theories. All that is good.

I don't have too much to say right now; I'm sure I will tomorrow. But I just want to put this in print right now: The Island is not actually an island. It's a sophisticated time machine designed to look like an island. That's why it can be "moved", and that's why it has a mechanism built into its' center. And Jacob and his enemy aren't gods, they're time travelers. For some reason, they can't hurt each other directly; that's why Jacob's enemy had to find a loophole.

At least, that's my two cents. We'll see, right?

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